How to Embrace Competition Without Jealousy: Turning
Competition into a Powerful Tool for Self-Growth
Competition is an unavoidable part of life. We compare ourselves with others in our studies, our jobs, our businesses, our sports and even our relationships. Competition can encourage us to strive for better performance but can also foster jealousy, insecurity, anxiety and low self-esteem if it is used in a destructive way.
Competition in its own right is neither good nor bad from a psychological point of view. The difference is the way others view success. Competition is a good thing when it's healthy, but it's a bad thing when it's unhealthy, as it can lead to resentment and emotional burnout.
The upside of competition is that it can be one of the most powerful tools to transform people when used appropriately.
It is understood that envy is a normal human reaction. The reason why humans have developed a Social Status Check is that in the past resources and opportunities were scarce, evolutionary psychologists say.
This mechanism of survival is manifested in the thoughts in your head today like:
I can't ever catch up.
Such thoughts does not motivate us, it brings emotional distress.
The fear of falling behind.
The key to changing jealousy into inspiration is to know these roots.
Healthy Competition vs. Unhealthy Competition
A healthy competitor is hoping to be better, not make others feel bad.
Move from an 'Outcome Mindset' to a 'Growth Mindset'
The Growth Mindset is the idea of psychologist Carol Dweck that those with a fixed belief in their talent are less resilient than those who believe that they can achieve improved abilities through effort.
Instead of asking:
Do I think that I am better than them?
Ask:
“Is it better today than it was yesterday?”
This is a simple change from an “ego battle” to a learning journey.
Stop Comparing Chapters
Comparing is one of the greatest sources of jealousy because it's like comparing the start of one's life with the middle or end of another.
Remember:
Opportunities are different for each person.
There are different struggles for all of us.
Timelines vary depending on individual.
We are all from a different background.
Comparing yourself with another person whose life you are not fully aware of is only leading to unnecessary suffering.
The only thing you can do is compare yourself to yourself.
Use Curiosity instead of Envy!
If someone is going to score higher than you, do not ask:
So, what's the advantage that makes them better?
Instead ask:
What good habits did they use to be successful?
What are the skills that I can learn?
What went right for them?
What can I improve?
Jealousy turns into learning when it's curiosity.
All the winners turn into teachers instead of opponents.
Celebrate Others' Success
At first it's challenging.
But, there are some surprising psychological side benefits to congratulating others:
Reduces resentment
Builds emotional maturity
Strengthens relationships
Improves mental well-being
Develops abundance thinking
It's okay to be happy about other people's success because there's still time for you to be successful.
Success is not a limited resource.
Concentrate on the process rather than the recognition.
There are a lot of people who are in competition for:
Awards
Promotions
Popularity
Validation
Praise
These outcomes can be more than just out of the control of the individual.
Rather, play in areas that are under “your control”:
Daily learning
Consistency
Discipline
Practice
Time management
Emotional regulation
As you become more proficient you get better results.
Understand that constructive failure is an invaluable learning experience.
In competitive situations, failure can be the best teacher.
Rather than think of failure as a sign of failure, ask yourself:
What was learned from the experience?
What skill is something you'd like to work on?
What lesson did I learn from this?
Failure is a positive thing.
They're many high-achievers out there who failed multiple times and then got to the point where they successfully made it through because they didn't see failure as failure, but as information.
Practice Gratitude Daily
Jealousy is curbed by gratitude because one focus on abundance instead of feeling jealous.
Each day write down:
3 things you are proud of.
Three skills that you've learned.
You have three chances given.
With time, gratitude will turn you from thinking about what others have to what you already have.
Create a positive self concept in addition to achievement.
Many people identify with winning and have their self-esteem solely based on it.
This leads to emotional instability as success and failure is bound to occur.
Inner worth is what helps to develop a healthy self-esteem irrespective of performance.
Remind yourself:
My worth is higher than my accomplishments.
Being a failure isn't a failure.
Winners and losers are not who I am.
This attitude helps to decrease anxiety and foster more balanced competition.
Know how to learn from your competitors.
Rather than treat them as rivals, see them as distant teachers.
Observe:
Their discipline
Communication
Problem-solving
Work ethic
Emotional control
Many successful athletes publicly state that being a good competitor helped them be a better competitor.
Growth can sometimes decelerate when there is no competition.
Don't fall into the Social Media Comparison Trap.
Social media is a place where the "best of" is often presented instead of the "real life.
Trying to compare all of life to someone else's best life stirs up the feelings of jealousy and dissatisfaction.
To avoid unnecessary comparisons:
Reducing doom-scrolling
Rather than educational and aspirational, following educational content
Engaging in regular digital breaks.
Keep in mind that all success stories have unsung challenges.
Create an abundance mentality.
A scarcity mindset thinks:
Why, if they do the right thing, then I lose.
A mindset of abundance thinks:
Their success is a testament to the fact that success is possible.
Growth, learning, creativity and achievement are limitless.
The success of others doesn't hurt your ability.
Create Personal Benchmarks
Instead of judging success by others, set your own gauges of success:
Read 1 book a month.
Work out 4x per week.
Take on a new work skill each quarter.
Improve public speaking.
Practice mindfulness daily.
Personal reference points are motivating without comparison and without being unhealthy.
Practice Self-Compassion
Studies indicate that individuals who engage in self-compassionate behavior recover more quickly and stay motivated when experiencing setbacks.
Rather than berate yourself, consider saying:
"I'm learning."
"Everyone struggles sometimes."
"Progress takes time."
This challenge is helping me to develop.
Self-compassion is much more effective in boosting one's resilience than self-punishment.
Turn Competition into Collaboration
Sometimes, competitors can become collaborators.
Through healthy collaboration individuals can:
Share knowledge
Exchange ideas
Develop new perspectives
Solve problems together
Maintain quality working relationships.
Competition and cooperation are not mutually exclusive, they can complement one another.
Real-life tips for healthy competition
Have goals that are based on growth.
Recognise and applaud someone else's success each week.
Maintain progress record.
Reduce social media comparisons to the minimum.
Pick up a new skill from a role model.
Learn to be grateful each night.
Review and discuss successes and failures after each event.
Focus on working hard rather than being perfect.
Little, well-rehearsed behaviors add up over time to create a relationship with competition.
Final Thoughts
It's when competition is based on insecurity, fear, wanting to outshine others at any cost that it becomes harmful. Competition is a tool for self-growth that can be used with curiosity, humility and an interest in learning.
Rather than thinking, "How can I outsmart everyone else?," think, "How can I be the best me? The subtle shift moves the competition from a jealous phase to a developmental phase throughout life.
Finally, the most important competition is not between classmates, coworkers or even strangers, it's against the old you. Every move towards wisdom, resilience, kindness and skill is a success worth celebrating. You will gain external success and at the same time develop a healthy competition, build confidence, emotional stability and engage in a continuous process of self-development.