How to Have a Platonic Relationship with an Ex While Married: A Guide to Respect, Trust, and Healthy Boundaries

 How to Have a Platonic Relationship with an Ex While Married: A Guide to Respect, Trust, and Healthy Boundaries

Keeping a friendship alive after break up(ex) after getting married is a subject that can elicit strong views. Some people think it's not possible, and some people are able to maintain platonic relationship with their exes without hurting their marriage. The difference is not that you don't get in touch with your ex, but how you do it.

 Platonic relations with an Ex should be honest, emotionally mature and committed to your spouse. It can be used in a responsible way, as an example, mutual respect and personal growth. If the boundaries are not set, it can create confusion, jealousy, or emotional infidelity, however.

 This article looks at a way to keep being friends with an ex without it becoming deceptive, while safeguarding and reinforcing the marriage.

 What Is a Platonic Relationship with an Ex?

 Platonic relationship with an ex is a friendship where there is no romantic, sexual or emotional exclusivity with another person from the past. Both have agreed the romantic period in their life has come to an end and they are now interacting as friends or acquaintances.

 An emotional relationship is not like a platonic friendship, which does not require:

 Romantic flirting

Secret conversations

Emotional dependency

Sexual desire that is being fulfilled.

The value of the Ex over the spouse.

 Rather, the relationship is founded on respect, respectful communication, and boundaries.

 Why do some people remain friends with their ex?

 While it's not always a natural fit, there are a lot of valid explanations as to why previous partners remain "friends.

 These may include:

 Shared children

A long friendship prior to dating

Professional collaboration

Mutual social circles

Emotional closure

Respecting personal growth of others

 It is not necessarily unhealthy to be friends with an ex. The question is, Does the friendship help or hurt the marriage relationship?

 Make your marriage the top priority.

 The best basis for keeping any friendship alive with an ex is keeping your husband or wife first.

 Ask yourself:

 How does my spouse make me feel emotionally secure?

In a conflict, would I leave my wife or husband for my ex?

Do I give my emotional resources to my ex more than to my spouse?

 If it's no, then the friendship needs to be reevaluated.

 Only have your most important emotional connection with your spouse.

 2. Be Completely Transparent

 Friends lose more of people's trust than secrets.

 Your spouse should be aware of:

 When you communicate

Why you communicate

The frequency of the communication

 Transparency removes suspicion.

 Avoid:

 Hidden messages

Private social media profiles

Deleting conversations

Your spouse doesn't know you're going and you don't tell them.You meet without telling your spouse.

 Honesty builds confidence.

 3. Set up clear emotional boundaries.

 The major risk is letting an ex become an emotional fall back.

 Avoid discussing:

 Marital conflicts

Sexual dissatisfaction

Emotional loneliness

Private family matters

 Those chats should take place with your ex or a qualified therapist, not your spouse!

 4. Keep Communication Purposeful

 Random speaking can help to eventually build emotional closeness.

 Instead:

 Keep conversations respectful.

Limit unnecessary texting.

Avoid late-night conversations.

Contact each other only when appropriate.

 Emphasis on quality rather than quantity.

 5. Do not flirt in any way.

 It's innocent jocularity that many emotional relationships start with.

 Avoid:

 Praise with regard to looks

Romantic memories

Slang terms for a relationship

Suggestive emojis

Light teasing that has a romantic vibe to it

 Treat your ex as you would any other respected friend.

 6. Uphold the feelings of your spouse.

 If you're only trying to be helpful, you should pay attention to your spouse's feelings.

 Instead of saying:

 “You're just being insecure.

 Say:

 I see how this friendship may have you concerned. Let's discuss what you can do to feel comfortable in this friendship.

 Empathy strengthens trust.

 7. Take Your Spouse with You When Appropriate

 When friendships are open instead of hidden, they grow healthier.

 Whenever possible:

 Gather in congregate meals.

Introduce your spouse.

Go together to public events.

Do not put your spouse in situations where he feels left out.

 Inclusion reduces suspicion.

 8. Don't compare your spouse to your former partner.

 Comparisons can really hurt a marriage.

 Avoid statements like:

 My ex was better able to understand me.

“My ex didn't complain.”

It's like they should be more like you.

 All relationships are different.

 Praise your husband or wife for what they are good at, not for what they weren't.

 The 9th step is to look out for Emotional Dependency.

 When the person you are exiled becomes your emotional crutch, friendship goes sour.

 Ask yourself:

 With whom do I start the conversation when I have great news?

Who supports me when I'm stressed?

Who can be my deepest feelings?

 If the answer is not your husband or wife, but your ex, then there are emotional boundaries that have been crossed.

 10. Love is the Only Thing We Have to Fear.

11. Leave the Past in the Past.

 It can bring about emotional scars again and again when a past love affair is revisited continually.

 Try not to discuss the following:

 Remember we were nearly engaged, "

I sometimes wonder what would have happened,

“It was a match made in heaven.”

 Healthy friendships are about here and now, not the past relationship.

 Identify unhealthy friendship indicators

 Warning signs include:

 Hiding communication

Being more excited to hear from your former boyfriend than from your current husband or wife.Being more excited to hear from your ex than your husband or wife.

Emotional dependence

Reminiscing about the past.

Lying about meetings

Guilt following interactions

 If any of these symptoms are present, they mean it's time to set boundaries or distance yourself from the friendship.

 Part 12: Be Prepared to Break the Friendship When It is Needed

 At times, the best thing you can do for yourself is to give it up.

 If the friendship repeatedly:

 Creates marital conflict

Causes jealousy

Makes one feel loved and connected by

Encourages secrecy

 Breaking up the friendship might be a selfless act done to save a marriage, not a loss of a friend.

 Healthy Sacrifices Build Long-Term Relationships.

 Practical Boundary Checklist

 Think about these questions on a regular basis:

 Would I be okay if my husband or wife saw all of my messages?

1. Would I say these words if my spouse were sitting beside me?

2. Am I feeling more connected with my spouse than my ex?

3. Am I following my husband or wife's concerns?

4. Is this friend a positive or negative influence on my relationship with my husband/wife?

 If you say "no" to any of these questions, review the friendship again.

Common Myths

Myth #1: "You have to sever ties with all your exes.

 Not necessarily. In some instances, previous relationships turn into good friendships, particularly with children, work or longstanding social connections. What matters is whether the friendship honors the marriage.

 Myth 2: "When someone trusts me, he or she doesn't need to have boundaries.

 There is a balance between trust and boundaries. Healthy limits are not replaceable, they help maintain trust.

 Myth #3: "Jealousy always means insecurity."

 Jealousy can sometimes be a symptom of insecurity and sometimes of murky boundaries or unmet needs. It is better to explore with empathy than to dismiss it.

 A Realistic Example

 In college, Sarah and Michael dated, but they broke up amicably. Later Sarah married David. Sarah and Michael would sometimes exchange letters about acquaintances and reconvene in the reunions of the classes.

 Sarah told David whenever they spoke, when they spoke to each other she was not going into the private emotional conversation. She was trying to invite him to the social events, and she was making sure that she was emotionally supported by her husband. David felt informed, not excluded. They were open, no suspicions and trust was strengthened.

 Compare this to someone who hides things, tells an ex husband his problems in marriage and who looks for emotional support from outside the marriage. That can be a problem in marriage and can make it lose trust even if there is no physical relationship.

 Final Thoughts

 For some couples a platonic relationship is acceptable with an ex while married, but not a prerequisite to a healthy life or marriage. It is only possible to be successful through honesty, transparency and a desire to preserve the marriage relationship.

 The rule of thumb is this: Friendship promotes trust and honors your spouse – and stays within a reasonable boundary. When it continually fosters secrecy, emotional needs, or conflict, your marriage should be first.