How Break Ups Can Keep You from Marrying the Wrong Person

                                     How break ups can keep you from marrying the wrong person?

Introduction

We know breakups are the most disastrous events that can happen to anyone as breakups are just like accident on the road. It marks the separation of your loved one.

I understand that. But we have to muster the courage to consider this event as an eye opener. It gives insight about the person whom we used to love. Breakups are the eye opener to the mistakes that we do while choosing our life partner. We get to know about the qualities of an ideal life partner.

You get an insight of world and learn to control your emotions and focus on yourself. Remember today's pain will be tomorrow's strength. Remember he/she is in opportunity to get rid of you.

Nature of breakups

Breakups are painful, especially when you were with your partner for a long time. Conversely, we never go into relationships wanting them to end but there are always things that are going to be out of your control.

 It’s normal to grieve for a while as you take your time accepting what has happened but at some point you’re going to have to pull yourself together because the longer you spend your time sulking over what transpired, the harder it will be to pull yourself out of this quagmire.

 

Why we break up?

Every relationship is unique, and you (or your other half) will have your own reasons for calling it quits. But research suggests that most breakups have one of eight broad causes: a desire for more autonomy, a lack of shared interests or character traits, a lack of support, a lack of openness, a lack of loyalty, a lack of time spent together, a lack of fairness, or a lack of romance. (Interestingly, for women, a desire for autonomy is one of the main reasons for a split.)

YOUR PAIN IS REAL

Brain research shows that rejection experiences in a break-up can activate the same areas of the brain that physical pain or distress do.  Especially in women, a break-up can cause cardiac pain and shortness of breath.  The pain is both emotional and physiological, which means it can be very intense.

Also consider that toxic love is the most dangerous thing than breakup. You should say thank you to these people who give gift of breakup to you for giving a chance to find life partner better than them. If they loved you then after breakup they would like to be friends with you or give something that will be helpful to you later in life. If you are burden to them or if they loved somebody they would like to be cut off from you.

How we break up?

 Breakups aren’t accidents, and unless infidelity is involved, they’re usually not spur-of-the-moment decisions. Thus if you’re heartbroken, remind yourself that your partner likely arrived at their conclusion after a substantial amount of time and reflection.

 An analysis of individual breakup points, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, shows just how complex and expansive the process of separation can be. The authors identified 16 steps that occur before the final breakup. Though these events don’t always happen in this order, it may comfort you to know that the decision probably wasn’t easy.

 16 steps before final breakup

 

1. A partner loses interest in his or her significant other.

 

2. Next, the disinterested partner starts to notice attractive alternative options, who could make potential dating partners.

 

3. Then, the disinterested partner begins to withdraw from the relationship emotionally and/or physically.

 

4. The partners try to work things out.

 

5. The partners spend less time together.

 

6. A lack of interest resurfaces again.

 

7. One partner, or perhaps this time both of them, consider ending things permanently.

 

8. The partners communicate their feelings with each other.

 

9. The partners try to work things out again.

 

10. Despite still trying to work things out, one or both begin to notice other people.

 

11. One or both partners begin to act distant.

 

12. One or both may go on dates with other people, while still seeing each other.

 

13. The cycle repeats itself as the partners decide to get back together again and try one last time.

 

14. One or both partners consider breaking up again.

 

15. One or both seriously distance themselves and gain a feeling of having moved on, while still technically being in the relationship.

 

16. The couple breaks up.

 And if your breakup was a messy one, take solace in the fact that most of them are. In a survey from polling firm YouGov, 58% of respondents said that their relationships tend to end dramatically, while only a quarter said their splits are usually civil.

Look for these traits

Some are like time passers that is they would like to be with everyone for their enjoyment.  Some are like they will manipulate you emotionally. Some are like two timers ie dating two people at the same time. May be they think that you do not fit into their expectations ie they feel that you cannot cater to their future self needs. Some are like taking advantage of your goodness. Some are like having high affinity for money. Some play psychological games to keep you trapped in their web of deceit by guilt tripping you, gaslighting you, or by method of triangulation. Some manipulate you to gain control over relationships by love bombing, isolation, trivializing, shifting blame, overpowering, withholding.

Remember cheating is a choice not a mistake. Loyality is a responsibility not a choice.

A note on triangulation

In this, a third person is invvited into the picture of a two-person situation. This can be an ex-partner, a friend, or even a family member. The manipulator brings into use this third person so as to create rivalry, jealousy, or animosity.

 The goal here is to gain control.

 It will be a nice decision of you if you take a step back and practice no contact if you enter in a situation where someone is repeatedly comparing you to another person or pitting you against others. It’s likely the triangulation.

Conclusion

Try to recognize these mind games so that you will be able to maintain your emotional health and independence.

Remember relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding and platonic love—not mind games and control.

These mind games can destroy your mental health.

Do you know what is platonic love. Well I will tell you. A platonic relationship can be defined as the relationship in which two people share a close bond but do not have any sexual activity. They may even experience love for each other, referred to as platonic love. This concept originates in the ideas of the ancient philosopher Plato, who believed that platonic love could bring people closer to a divine ideal and also to god.

  

The platonic relationship focused on the idea that people can be close friends without sexual desire.

 

People who are in platonic relationship have deep a connection, but they also take into consideration each other's personal space and respect them. They don't indulge in forcing the other person to do things they don't want to do or be something that they are not.

Thus breakups protects you from marrying a wrong person.

References:

1. 7 psychological games people play to keep you trapped in their web of deceit. by Lucas Graham 

2. 11 mind games manipulators play to gain control in a relationship by Isabella Chase 

 

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Squirrels are the best teachers

                                               Squirrels are the best teachers

Introduction

 

Squirrels are considered the intelligent rodents. In Ramayan, these squirrels have helped in constructing Ramsetu and inspiring Sughreev and his companions, thus contributing in defeat of Raavan. They tought that though they are small in size, yet they can contribute something good for mankind though that thing is small in quantity. They thus became dearer to Lord Rama. They can climb trees and jump from one tree to another. They are little rodents with great courage and adaptability. They are the best risk takers.

 

Smartness of squirrel

 

When squirrels are being observed, they’ll do acting of constructing fake caches, thus pretending to bury a nut, going through the whole process of digging a hole, digging it through with their front teeth, and covering the dirt or grass over the top of it. They’ll actually be hiding the nut in a pocket near their armpit.

Escape from predators

They run away in zigzag pattern so as to escape hawks and predators.

Quick learning ability of squirrels

 

Squirrels will watch another squirrel remove a nut from one of two pots. The squirrels quickly learned the fact that if the squirrel they watched taking out the nut, the pot would become empty and that choosing the opposite pot was the better bet. They showed reluctance in choosing a pot without observing a fellow squirrel. Having ability to learn by observation is an indicator of squirrel’s abstract thought.

 

Squirrel’s memory skills

 

Squirrels have depicted they have an ability of remembering where they have buried the nuts. In a study carried out at Princeton University, grey squirrels were able to use spatial memory to recover nut caches they had buried. They are able to remember good sources of food. Squirrels also have ability to memorize the easiest route in upwards direction of a tree to get back and forth from their nests.

 

What Sidhant learned from squirrel?

 

One day Sidhant was walking in park. After getting tired from long walk he sat down on a seat in park. Then suddenly he saw a squirrel, trying to consume flower, reached the end of the tree branch. The tree branch got bent downwards risking squirrel’s fall from tree. This did not bother squirrel, instead squirrel reached the flower and ate the flower with full concentration. Squirrel’s whole focus was on flower and squirrel didn’t worry about felling from tree. Then after consuming some part of flower, squirrel such a great acrobat, runned towards the side of branch of tree other than branch’s end. This capability can be attributed to the fact that tree squirrels have the ability to rotate their ankles backwards which allows them to have grip on branches and limbs in a strong manner than they could if they are faced in forward direction. This helps them to climb rapidly, run away from prey, and have access to food sources where other animals can’t reach.

 

From this Sidhant learned that we should focus on achieving our goals without worrying about failure and we should proceed towards our goals fearlessly.

Another inspiration from Squirrel

Just like squirrel takes a long jump from one distant stone to another distant stone, we should try to minimize differences between our loved ones and get connected with them and we should work together to solve problems which peep somehow between our loved ones.

Squirrels and platonic love

Squirrels best teach us platonic love. Just like squirrels spread positivity when they around us, we should feel positive about our loved ones around us and enjoy their freedom and happiness. Squirrels are just like our loved ones being source of inspiration to us and teach us life skills. Being able to do good without becoming famous for their deed. They are those creatures that make scenic beauty of nature beautiful. Like many rodents, squirrels have food hoarding quality. Though this is done by these squirrels to survive scarcity times. However, this is not foolproof. In this way, they contribute in planting of trees thus maintaining ecological balance. These squirrels thus contribute to increasing oxygen on earth.Thus they are the real environment saviours. Though they cannot be tamed and kept inside our houses, yet they make you feel good and you can enjoy while feeding them.

Adaptability of squirrels

As squirrels have great adaptability, they teach humans to thrive in adverse conditions thus teaching them that tough situation do not last tough men last do. Deserts, temperate forests, rainforests, and grasslands are the areas where squirrels can live. As Squirrels bring their tails in utilisation in order to remain dry and warm. They teach us to be confident on our good qualities and talent and thus believe in ourselves. Also they teach us the quality of self happiness and contentment

As Ground-dwelling squirrels have quality of living together in colonies thus teach us how to be social while tree-dwelling squirrels as they love to spend their time alone they teach us how to embrace loneliness, how to make loneliness your strength

 

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