Social evil at work place and how to tackle it
Introduction
Many of us have experienced this type of evil in our work place. This
evil is making workplace a ‘house of hatred and
misunderstandings’.
“It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.” This famous line
from The Godfather misses the point: even in business, it hurts when your
coworkers show their dislike for you. Whatever their reasons—they may feel
threatened, they could be jealous, perhaps they’re simply not very nice, or
maybe the problem is you—it’s hard not to take personal disdain personally.
“Of course, it’s impossible to be liked by everyone in the office,”
says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of “Tame Your
Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behaviour and Thrive in
Your Job.”
While there are co-workers who would not mind letting you feel the
hatred towards you, many are there who can easily hide their hatred. “Most
co-workers won’t overtly show their disdain for you so as not to cause trouble
or jeopardize their careers,” explains Lynn. Bitter hatred inside wrapped with
sweet words is very common in the workplace. [H.A.T.E.R.S(having anger towards
everyone reaching success)]
But if everyone follows the conduct of hatred then one day it will
become social evil from mere business because everybody will follow the same
conduct to hate anybody reaching the success. I am afraid that one day if they
will reach the same success in accomplishing any task in office then they will
have to face the same hatred and jealousy by others and the cycle of hatred
goes on and on and it will never stop and will thus become social evil.
Signs of not liking you
Here are signs which show that your jealous co-workers do not like
you:
1. They avoid you and take pains to avoid you
If a co-worker is not OK with you he/she would always avoid facing
you. It becomes difficult for a person to face the one who he/she hates. You’re
waiting for the elevator; they take the stairs. They head for the break room as
soon as you leave it. These kinds of situations can be chalked up to coincidence
for a while, but if a pattern emerges, your coworkers are likely going out of
their way to avoid you, plain and simple.
2. They avoid eye contact
Your colleagues may look down on you if they rarely look you in the
eye. “We give more attention to and make greater eye contact with people we
consider our superiors, and less to those whom we feel are inferior to us,”
explains Dr. Audrey Nelson, a workplace productivity consultant, in Psychology
Today. “All of us unconsciously play these power games with our eyes.”
3. They provoke you
They will try to do something that they know you express anger or give
reaction to it in some other way so that they can show you bad in front of your
boss.
4. Change in Facial expression when you are
around:
Talking to you or talking about you may not give any excitement to
such co-workers. Whenever you are around, they may try to be over-serious and
not even smile or laugh at jokes cracked in office, where all others are
participating wholeheartedly.
Such behavior may not be necessarily the occasional mood offs but they
intentionally do not smile much when you around, this is a sign of their
dislike towards you.
5. They stare at you
There are friendly looks and smitten gazes, and then there’s the kind
of prolonged intense stare that’s rude and aggressive. Eye contact rarely lasts
longer than three seconds before a powerful urge to look away kicks in, tells
anthropologist David Givens, with that feeling of discomfort possibly
signalling dislike.
6. They don’t acknowledge you
Likewise, Jones says, your lack of popularity is pretty obvious when
you walk into the office and say “good morning!” and no one says “good morning”
back.
7. Spread Negative Comments about you
In most cases, hatred results from sheer jealous feelings. Out of
jealousy a co-worker makes negative comments and unpleasant remarks about your
achievement or gossip about you at work. It is done sometimes in groups or
social sites and may even go to the extent of exaggerated complaints against
you to your superior.
8. They're curt with you in person, too
Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and workplace
productivity author, told Business Insider that if your coworkers “sound like a
moody teenager, then that's a pretty big red flag." Are your efforts to
make small talk met with grunts or single-word responses, or even worse,
ignored completely? If so, it’s not a good sign—and it’s also very rude.
9. They don’t ever include you in their
office senses of humor:
When they are not intentionally including you in their office talks or
humor, you can trace a hint of hatred towards you. Laughing on jokes crack are
the key ways to cement relationships but if you do not allow in such
discussions or you feel a sudden change in the environment with your entry, it
may be that they are not comfortable with your presence. They are not
considering you in their team.
10. They falsely try to make you feel guilty:
Even if you talk about something related to them or praise them or
crack joke(not related to them), they wil try to find fault in it and thus make
you feel guilty and prove you to be wrong person in front of everybody.
11. They assume/exercise unauthorized power on
you:
Though they are not assigned to a boss on you, they would try to
exercise unauthorized power throwing instructions on you, unnecessarily poking
nose in your assignments trying to hamper them or put you into embarrassing
situations.
12. They don’t handle compliments well:
In many cases, jealousy is another main cause behind hatred among
co-workers in the office. Out of jealousy, people would feel difficult to
listen to compliments about you, a gesture of moving away or getting
unnecessarily busy in assignments are signs of co-workers’ hatred towards you.
13. You can smell a stealth campaign against
you:
It happens mostly when any new joined asks about experiences of
working with you. Answers like raised eyebrows, a sigh, all of these can be
signs of dislike towards you rather than working with you.
14. Negative non-verbal cues
According to Kerr, coworkers’ negative feelings toward you are often
revealed when they roll their eyes, fold their arms over their chest during a
conversation, or can’t be bothered to look up from their computer screen to
talk to you. “Actions speak louder than words,” Smith adds. “Even if a coworker
may not say she doesn’t like you, her body language can give it away.”
15. They question you constantly
Constructive queries are an important aspect of teamwork, but when
every decision you make is called into question, it’s a sign of mistrust. And
it gets worse: “A coworker who feels the need to challenge you both privately
and publicly wants to see you fail,” Smith says.
16. They Hit you:
Though they may show it’s accidentally it intentional again and again
if you find your co-workers hit you constantly whenever they pass by, it could
be an alert that they feel disturbed with your presence.
17. You find hard to crack deals:
When it’s your turn, things become different than others. When you are
into such situations be sure of some negative feelings working among your
jealous co-workers. In case of getting an appointment with the boss, getting a
leave sanctioned or getting office needs fulfilled, if you face serious delays
than others do, it is a sure sign of hatred which you should beware of.
18. The 6th sense smells it:
If there is something different in a co-worker’s behavior especially
towards you, it’s your gut feeling or the 6th sense that makes you aware that
yes he/she might be developing some kind of bitter feeling in him/her which may
affect you.
You would smell the probability of being their not so favorite person.
Trust your senses and try avoiding collision with such persons around you.
19. They insult you openly:
Facing open insults will make you surer about how deep hatred may
co-workers perceive for someone. When you face open insult or exaggeration of
facts in the workplace, you can understand that there is a negative feeling
working among your colleagues about you.
20. There is a fundamental lack of trust:
You are included in a project and unnecessarily removed from the same
and this happens often on then there is a sure matter of lack of trust on you
which is a cause of sheer hatred on you. If your work and motives questioned
unusually more than others, then its a sign of a jealous co-workers and to
worry about.
21. They throw you under the bus
If your coworkers really do dislike you, what’s their end game?
There’s a good chance they want you to quit or get fired, and there’s no better
way to achieve the latter than by constantly blaming you when something goes
wrong or calling you out for even the smallest misstep.
22. Constantly disagreeing:
If you find that every point of your discussion is facing disagreement
and your ideas are constantly bogged down, it is a sign that they don’t like
you. And, If they dislike you they would be biased and it would be evident.
If before you have finished your sentence you are rejected or every
possible proposal of yours is shattered then it’s a clear sign of you not being
their favorite.
23. They play mind games with you
If they will perform any mistake then they will take it lightly but if
you happen to perform that same mistake then they will try to highlight it in
front of everybody. They also try to figure out bad meanings from your simple
words.
24. Colleagues always communicate with you via
email, even when that isn’t the most logical choice.
Email correspondence is an increasingly-valid form of intra-office
communication...but if you’re one desk over from your colleague and she still
decides to email or IM you to ask a speedy “yes or no” question rather than
speaking to you directly, that could be a sign of poor relations between you.
25. Your work-related needs aren’t given high
priority.
In an ideal world, all professionals would handle work-related matters
in order of precedence, regardless of their personal opinions about the person
making the request for assistance. In reality, however, colleagues who don’t
care for you may take their time before getting to your projects, since they’re
less concerned about your professional reputation.
26. They spread rumors about you:
Most of the cases of hatred among colleagues are jealousy. Out of
jealousy, a person indulges in any kind of activity which is not always morally
supportive. When you come to know that any of your jealous co-workers are
spreading unnecessary rumors about you, take for sure that the person is
jealous of and hates you.
This kind of activity is very childish and unprofessional too but it
is very common in the workplace. So being aware of such a situation and acting
immediately on it is worth praising.
27. You never invited to social events:
This may be very common or easy to understand the sign when you not
invited to one’s social gatherings or project meetings over coffee. We always
try to get close to our favorite ones in our special moments or gatherings and
avoid those who we hate.
When you do not get an invitation, but others are invited to a social
event then you should easily figure out the rate of hatred the person is having
for you. Even when somebody does not turn up for your invitation intentionally
could also be a hint for you to understand their feeling for you.
28. Diminishes your success:
In several situations when you achieve the success you not rewarded to
the mark, rather you very lowly cheered is significant enough to make you
understand a negative feeling among your colleagues.
When you can observe over cheerful messages for other colleagues for
the same kind of project success, different behavior is a mark of
dissatisfaction or hatred for you. To such people who don’t deserve all the
good things you have, they may also go to the extent of reminding you repeated
about your failures in the past.
29. They Steal Credit for your ideas:
It happens many times, that your ideas get stolen and your colleagues
presenting it labeling as their own, using a report created by you by simply
changing your name to theirs and take credit.
It is very common to sign of hatred when you come across situations
like omitting your names in the list of project participants or intentionally
not including your name in the email distribution list for works they completed
with you or your help.
30. They tell other people they hate you:
Some co-workers become outrageous in hating and go to any limit when
it’s your turn. They even will tell your other co-workers how much they dislike
you and your presence. They might also make false statements in your name to
make you fall in other’s eyes too.
31. Less personal talks with you:
More close with other colleagues but not with you. If you notice other
colleagues discussing personal topics about holiday trips, kids, cooking,
movies, and hobbies but sharing no personal talks with you or when you are
around, is a gesture of avoiding or disliking you.
They may also gossip about you when you are not around and suddenly
you feel that they stop talking when you enter the room, is a point to beware
that they dislike you and talking at back about you.
32. You get picked on
For better or for worse, gossip and teasing are workplace staples. But
“if you feel like you’re always being picked on, you definitely rubbed someone
the wrong way,” Smith says.
33. They encourage you to leave
They could be trying to help, but when coworkers insinuate that the
perfect job exists elsewhere—or go even further by sending you outside job
postings—it’s “a great sign they’re trying to get rid of you,” Jones writes.
Co-workers assuming role of back-stabbers
These co-workers who hate you secretly assume the role of
back-stabbers.
Backstabbers at work come in several types, including:
1. Belittlers, who hurl put-downs, demeaning
remarks and disparaging comments.
2. Credit thieves, who steal your ideas and
grab the glory when a project is successful.
3. Finger pointers, who pin the blame on
others when the project goes wrong.
4. Rumor mongers, stirring up drama by
spreading gossip, lies and half-truths that destroy reputations.
5. Slackers, who shirk responsibility and
foist duties onto others.
6. Scorched-earth managers, who will
undermine or even fire a smart, capable worker when they feel threatened by
brains and talent.
By slagging their coworkers, a backstabber may feel that they're
making themselves look good by comparison. These people likely feel insecure
about their own status or performance and try to remedy that by pointing to
their co-workers' shortfalls.
In fact, some backstabbers at work might believe that they're simply
doing what it takes to get ahead. In other words, they are protecting their own
interests.
In some cases, the employee might even have been a past victim of
backstabbing in the workplace and became more cutthroat as a result.
How to tackle this evil
The first thing you need to do is figure out if you actually are the
victim of workplace sabotage, and if so, who is behind it. Identifying a
saboteur can be harder than it looks because many of their actions are subtle.
Some telltale signs could be if a co-worker tries to bait you into
gossiping about another staffer. You are called out for a mistake that no one
else knew about—except the one person who you confided in.
Once your suspicions are confirmed, here are a couple of ways you can
handle backstabbing/ evil in the workplace:
1. Ignore it. If someone's actions have irked
you on a personal level but didn't have a negative effect on your job, consider
taking the high road, and even try setting a better example.
2. Escalate the issue. A good rule of thumb
when deciding if you should go talk to your manager is whether there is a
business impact, such as if a project deadline wasn't completed (and the blame
was put on you). It's easier to make a compelling case if the offender's end
result has a negative impact on a business outcome.
3. Have a talk with the person.
(a) By no means should you corner the suspect
by the water cooler and start an angry confrontation, but giving your colleague
a chance to explain their actions may sometimes help resolve the problem.
In general, never react in the heat of the moment. Take some time to
look at the situation from every angle, and once you're calm, ask the person if
you can speak in private, face-to-face, and tell them how what they did made
you feel.
(b) As for what to say, maintain a
professional tone throughout the conversation, and cite evidence of your
suspicion. Say something like, “When we discussed our opinions about our boss
over happy hour last week, we agreed the conversation was confidential. I was
just approached by our boss and he clearly knew of our conversation.”
(c) Be prepared for the backstabber to try to
cover their tracks as you confront them, but don't back down. If a backstabber
knows they can't get away with this behavior with you, they'll often move on.
If the two of you can't work it out or the situation escalates, alert
your manager or human resources department to help solve the issue.
4. Maintain a paper trail. If you suspect may
be backstabbing, keep a record of decisions made, work deadlines, and anything
else they may attempt to use against you. So if a conversation about a project
takes place, follow up with a brief email to the person and outline what was
decided so that nothing can be denied later.
5. Send your manager updates. If someone is
trying to take credit for your work, giving your manager frequent project
updates where possible, so they know who is responsible for each task, will
make it more difficult for a sneaky coworker to steal your spotlight.
6. Avoid gossip. Often backstabbers will fuel
the gossip mill with opinions you may have shared in confidence. Remember,
nothing is off the record to a potential backstabber. Keep mum, especially
regarding your opinions about others in the organization.
7. Be aware, even in casual settings. You
need to be extra vigilant if you suspect there to be a backstabber in your
midst, especially during times when you might otherwise be relaxed, like
lunchtime, happy hour, or even casual hallway conversations. Backstabbers will
take in whatever you reveal in these intimate moments to use against you.
8. Leave Your Work Stress at the Door
9. Seek Out Positive Co-Workers
10. Build Trust. This helps with micromanagers
11. Find Ways to Relieve Stress Outside of
Work.
This helps your general mental health. Go to the gym, do home repairs,
or learn a new skill. The key is to make sure you're living a fulfilling life
outside of work to combat the drama of your 9 to 5.
12. Create lists to keep yourself busy. A list
can help you stay focused on your tasks instead of the toxic atmosphere and
gives you a reason to keep going every day.
13. Start your exit strategy. It is possible
that things could improve at your job, in which case it might make sense to
stay. However, while waiting it out, begin your search for a new job. This will
help you stay positive when things get rough. If you needed to leave yesterday,
consider a bridge job that will keep you active while you find something in
line with your career.
14. Document everything you do. Save emails
and write down comments and decisions from meetings, phone calls, and every
person who interacts with you. If you need to file a complaint, you will need
the evidence to back your claim.
Conclusion
Don't play into the toxicity of an intensely competitive workplace.
Instead, praise others' work, communicate openly with your colleagues, and be
supportive of your co-workers' ideas and accomplishments.
You can't necessarily stop backstabbing from taking place in your workplace,
but knowing how to recognize and overcome it is an important skill set to
develop. Being able to deal with challenging or difficult coworkers while
maintaining healthy working relationships is necessary for career success.
We should make our workplace free of this evil so that our workplace
is filled with happy employees and make progress.
References:
1. 20 telltale signs your coworkers may not
like you.
By Adam Bisby
2. 24 Signs Jealous Co-Workers Secretly Hate
you
By Chitra Reddy
3. 8 Worrisome Signs That People Don’t Like
Working With You. By Taylor Tobin
4. Beware of Backstabbing Coworkers.
5. 7 Tips for Dealing with a Toxic Work
Environment
By Sarah Stiefvater.
6. Signs You're in a Toxic Work Environment
& How to Handle It.
By Lisa Tynan
